RIP Phil Hughes

I haven't heard your name till 26th November, 2014. I am  numb to cricket. And I generally hate Australia.

But for some reason, the news about your injury, subsequent developments, and your leaving this world - all had a very emotional impact on me. I felt deeply sad, and was torn into tears - multiple times. I couldn't understand it. I felt weird that why I am feeling something for, whom I have no emotional bonding at all. I worried that am I just acting under ethical pressure. But no, the emotions were way too strong to be dubbed as some kind of societal pressure. Way too strong, that I am writing a blog entry.

I think it is some kind of innate similarity that moved me. Maybe love for humanity, for sportsmen, for risk taking people who get into things ignoring the perils - for the value and the thrill it promises. Or may be just the fact that you lost your life from a normal routine, which anybody of us can too.

Its not the feeling of pity or fear, its the feeling of losing a body part - a person who was similar in some ways - a person who was trying hard to beat some fears, and make an example, though without doing anything too rebellious.

Phil Huges,
I pay homage to eveything you were, and everything you did to become who you were. I pray from bottom of my heart that your soul rest in peace. And I observe 2 minutes silence for the same.

Our experience @Fortis hospital

My dad has been a heart patient for about 20 years now and has undergone a by-pass surgery about 10 years back. In past few days, he has been experiencing the angina pain again, and we decided to take him to the hospital. We went to Fortis hospital – a reputed hospital chain in Delhi – where the angioplasty test and other tests such as ECG were performed. The doctor, in charge, explained us that nothing is wrong with the artery on which previous surgery was done, but 2 other veins are heavily clotted, and would be best if he can undergo stent intervention procedure right now. Now, the thing to note in such circumstances is that patient’s family easily panic, and only have limited knowledge of these medical facts. They have very few options other than following doctor’s advice, especially given when there is a chance of high guilt penalty for not following the advice. We were almost decided to undergo the operation – but then one of my maternal uncles is in medical profession, and he suggested to wait for a week or 2 – and rather get operated at G.B.Pant -  a famous government hospital for coronary diseases – where one of his close friends work.

As it happened, we got my dad admitted to G.B.Pant after 2 days, and saw the physician there. To our surprise the physician there (who is also close to us) recommended that there is no need of an operation. He opined that everything seems fine, and the blockages are only at the terminal ends of less important veins, which should not impact heart’s performance. He even recommended continuing with daily lifestyle, with slightly changed medicine.

We are going to take a 3^rd opinion, but given the physician at G.B.Pant is quite reputed and is also an acquaintance, there is less chance of his opinion being motivated by other reasons.

Now let’s say (& I hope) that the 2^nd physician is right (of which there is a high chance) – then it raises lot of moral questions on the practices followed by medical professionals in these reputed private hospitals. Firstly, you advise a patient who doesn’t need a surgery to get operated. Secondly, you sell the same quality of stents at almost double the price of government hospitals (who also build in some profit). Now, I totally understand that providing quality service have higher operational costs, but something which costs 40k to you shouldn’t be sold at 1 lacs. That is sheer robbery. So, if you have to charge those higher costs – you should include them in the services – and the raw materials bought. Thirdly, a small incident – but when I ask you for the CD of the angioplasty procedure that you had just run and charged us 13k for – you should not ask for an extra 1,200 INR to provide that CD. I can’t understand how can writing a CD cost so much. If it really does, then you need to train your staff better.

Most of these high rates are probably driven (& sustained) by the new trend of employer covered insurances, and ‘behind the scenes’ nexus between insurance companies and healthcare providers. To me, our medical industry needs better regulation. The disappointing fact is that I have faced similar situations before myself, and have done nothing for the change. And even this time, I haven’t done much.

P.S.: Dad is in good health, and we are very relieved to find out that all is well :)

Change, its time periods and its medium

Dhaalne ko lohe ko
kabhi saanche ka aasra liya, kabhi hathode ka raasta ||
Kayi arson baad dekha
to pratikriya mein saanche aur hathode bhi kuch badal chuke the ||

Main kabhi loha tha, kabhi saancha aur kabhi hathoda||
**
She went through phases of her life - Awake, Dreaming and Sleeping.

Every morning कृति  used to wake up, and perform her routine activities. She will dust up the laziness stuck on body by freshening  up and bathing. Eat to fill herself till lunch. She will ride a bus or a subway, or drive through bustling traffic to reach her office. Weather sometimes spiced up  her routine, but more or less things stayed constant and stable. Towards the end of day, she returned back home, ate, did few more chores including fun and went to bed. Passing through this set of activities daily, she always felt something different in herself at night than when she left this same bed in the morning. Then in night, somedays she dreamt, somedays she slept, and most days probably a mix. Next day she gets up again - sometimes as something subtly different herself , and other times as something substantially different herself. And then picks up the routine again.

Like we step into & step out of dresses and change our moods, her consciousness seems to step in & out of different realms such as Awake, Dream and Sleep. She is aware of it, somewhere. She doesn't know how to describe it but she is aware of it. Many others also felt the same.

Like always, on an average general day She & They get up. And did their daily activities. And then when they met, talked about the things she & they saw in routine - the traffic, the weather, the work etc. Her interaction with them changes her every now and then, and vice versa. She describes a thing as she saw, they describe the same thing as they saw, one bullies, the other yields to different degrees and something changes in the beliefs and perceptions. An ongoing but less noticeable thing - like life cycle of nails and hairs.

Then some other days, she feels dreamy, even in the middle of day. Fully awake though, she feels drifted away from the surroundings. Sometimes dreaming about a beach and its warm pleasing breeze, sometimes about a loved one or sometimes just about some ideology, and so on. And then there are days where she would just stare into the window like looking at something far away through the material objects. Everybody thinks she is dreaming, but only she knows that she was just looking at nothing, like sleeping. You know like a blank spot in memory. Of both these realms, where she enters from being completely awake few moments before, she gets a sudden jerky flash & comes out. The sudden change of surroundings cause a weird feeling of lostness & unfittingness. At that point it seems like only the surroundings have changed.

These things continue for a time & in cycles, and confuse her thoroughly, but she carries on. And then that day comes when she either wakes up from sleep or from jerk, and feels substantially changed. She unsuccessfully & anxiously spends the coming week, and the one after that, and few more just to figure out how and what happened? All she has in memory is some events from her awake realm. She can't recall anything, yields and accepts.

It seems like we are continuously walking through these realms of consciousness, letting them change us, God knows how? - and all we know or rather feel - helplessly- is that we have changed, with no clue how - with clues lost in ocean of awake events, in uncertainty of dreamy events, and secrecy of sleeping events. And we keep walking. Maybe, maybe not.
**
Because sometime we receive a blow
And sometimes we provide that blow

And then sometimes in our sleep the flow whispers a blow !!