Feeling normal

Life grows and matures us unconditionally - all of us - in different ways.

Some of us become too busy to indulge in any kind of fun. A simple household chore might be too much of burden. Household routines immersion might make an idea of travel an unrealistic one.  With experiences, we keep hardening ourselves to certain feelings - pleasures and stimulus that have weakened, failed and hurt us in past. Some of us just take a leap of faith, and leave everything conventional behind - unlearning everything conventional. We change. All involuntarily.

So life impacts each of us in a different way - with one constant of change. In parrallel to the constant churn that the change brings, something else keeps building its base layer by layer in disguise - LOSTNESS. And then an out of the blue event - a non influential routine event - inexplicably makes you realize that it has been staring at you for no direct reason. Being committed to moving and changing, we keep pushing ourselves hoping that this lost feeling will go away. It does sometimes, sometimes it does not. It gets very difficult to attribute it to a reason - it seems to fall outside the domain of everyday empirical knowledge. Often we don't have answer to a friend's caring question of "What happened". Maybe we don't know the answer. May be we don't want to know the answer, as knowing it would take us through submerged forgotten thoughts lying in the dark of the subconscious.

The more inexplicable the lostness is, obscurer incidents it takes to make it disappear.

Sometimes just doing a very normal activity might remove your lostness. Like that day when amidst lot of workloads, I took out time for a visit to the spine hospital with my sister, and the shot of wind made me feel normal.

What makes it so incomprehensible? I feel that in rozmarrah of our lives, a base that defines us gets forgotten for e.g. While we are busy in excelling at your work, we might forget that small incident which happened 15 years back when your father sat with you on a pre exam day, and told you not to worry about completing the syllabus, but rather to understand it well - the trait which have stayed with you forever since then - to figure out things in a right way and not worrying for short term results - but then seldom would I think about this particular incident - it has gone into that forgotten base.
Similarly during change - the stimulus is forgotten. Or rather gets buried deep. In fact, change is an urge of obliterating an existing particular response (stimulated by the same existing particular response) and developing another. So while changing, you are trying to forget the very thing which is driving the urge to change. End result - we change, but we forget why we change. And then there come those magic days, when some thresholds cross, and we look to evaluate ourselves again , and the changed we does not really make sense. Remember the person in movies with lost memory. Mind must feel something like that to a degree.

The answer to find yourselves back would lie in digging out the buried. Its a tedious exercise, as it would take you through all the pain and stimulus that made you change. It would be revising your life. I think that's why when we are close to the "base" circumstances, and characters of our lives such as family and siblings - we feel more normal - it probably takes us back to same plane of subconscious where the "base" memories are.