Had a very weird feeling today.
We often desire to make our lives more comfortable, and get access to pleasures. Essentially we always crave for things, which give us that immediate pleasure - let it be a desirable women, artistically furnished living place, company of well known and powerful people, sports cars, and so and so. Things which are cool in some way.
Some folks move beyond these comforts, and somehow develop a control towards these cravings. Predominantly because of a realisation of futility and temporariness of the craving. Their actions are not driven by a hunger to acquire something or exert control, but by sheer meaning of the things. Some of such folks are even difficult to inspire to action.
There is a constant scrutiny of one side from the other. Questioning the motivations of the other - the desiring ones will often sneer at the ascetic ones for complacency, and lack of spirit. While the ascetic ones will often disregard the desiring ones as greedy and shallow. Obviously there is lot lost by not acknowledging the plus point of each. BUT, we are not here to discuss these 2 types. There is a completely different type of emotion that I experienced - apart from the desire for pleasure, and the lack of it.
It was momentary. It was a desire of going in an unpleasant phase. It was an urge to feel failure, a voice roaring at my ego, pushing me to extract the best out of myself - to prove it to that voice. It was need of an insult and a blow to the ego, to spur the whole system into an epitome action. Friction to kindle the fire. Push to get the stone rolling. It was a sense of self hate arising from within, resulting in a wish to improve myself, longing for an external push to impart a momentum, and a catalyst to stir an action
No comments:
Post a Comment